your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
