I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
