somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
