Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
