I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
