You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
