i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
