I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
