I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
