I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
