I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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