I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I love how my cats smell like pot.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
