He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
