I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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