So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
