Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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