well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it because I queefed?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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