he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
