Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
