After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
