Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't like sucking hair
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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