He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
