addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
