I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
