I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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