I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
