Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
