After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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