I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
