Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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