I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
