just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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