i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
