The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
