If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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