she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
