hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
