im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
