At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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