I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
