my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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