return my video game
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
