I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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