One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sober January is a disaster.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize