Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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