1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
