Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
