real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize