I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
