am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize