He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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