I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
