It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
