i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
