Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
