I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
