I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
