My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
