I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize