I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Found the puke drawer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
