You're my little dorito
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
