we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
