After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize