READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I stole a fireplace last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
whose parrot is this?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize