I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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