I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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