Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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