It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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