Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
