yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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