She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
