It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
