That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
