Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
