how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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