Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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