she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
