so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
