i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
