Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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